Sunday, March 30, 2008

Grape Cigarettes

The following post was written by Miss Allison Wonderland. I don't really condone smoking, but I have to admit that having one smoker in the band does give us a little more street cred. Expect to see more of these posts in the coming months, since Allison is as curious about odd tobacco products as I am about unusual food.

What: Swisher Sweets (Grape)
When: Mar. 11, 2008
Where: Purchased in Michigan, smoked in Bloomington, Indiana
Cost: $3.49 for 2

Touring is an unhealthy business. However, as a smoker, being unhealthy is a full time job for me. Although I tend to avoid the gut-destroying food that Holly puts into her body, I find roadside gas stations to be a great source of odd tobacco products.

At a small gas station just across the US-Canada border, we stumbled across a “Huge Cigarettes Sale.” Exciting!

Of all of the varieties and flavours available, the one that caught my eye was a pack of grape flavoured Swisher Sweets Cigars. Two for the price of one! How could a red-blooded tobacco enthusiast such as myself resist?

As soon as I removed the shrink-wrap, an extremely strong cough-syrupesque aroma filled the air. It was to be expected, I suppose, since I’ve rarely come across anything grape-flavoured that DIDN’T smell and taste that way. Grape Jolly Ranchers have never made the contents of my purse smell like grape, though.

No bones about it, these were not very good. Only the filters were flavoured, so the actual smoke didn’t taste of anything but generic cigar smoke. I’m not disappointed by it, since the grape-flavouring tasted about as good as it smelled. A homeless gent walked by as I was smoking, and asked for a cigarette. I offered him one of these, and he politely declined. I find that pretty telling.

So, being stuck with two packs of these presents a personal dilemma. The cheap Irish-Catholic in me can’t bring herself to throw out something I paid money for (sale or no sale). On the other hand, there is no way I’m ever going to smoke the rest of these, even if I’m out of cigarettes and jonesin’ for something to smoke. I managed to unload one on a curious friend of mine, but I’m still stuck with the other. In the meantime, I’m preparing to have a wallet that smells like grape for a while.



barcodegurl said...

Reminds me of this atrocity I stumbled upon the other day... keep an eye out for them, Holly!

Scout said...

This just has to be my new favorite blog. Keep up the good work, Holly.

Anonymous said...

Allison, I love that picture of you! It looks like you're being attacked by a huge cigarette! Oh no!!!!

Funny post, I look forward to reading more from you and Holly.

Anonymous said...

Hello! I quite adore the music you make with Miss Basia. I will be spreading the discovery of your wonderful songs across campus.

P.S. You really ought to come to Texas at some point. It would be mutually beneficial to the state and yourselves-I promise.

Anonymous said...

just so you know, swishers arent meant to be smoked.. most people use them to roll pot in, and throw away the tobacco cuz its crazp.