Bisous

What: Hershey's Kisses with Cherry Cordial Flavoured Creme
Where: Toronto
Cost: $1.49

I love holidays that are celebrated with candy. It isn't necessary, but sometimes I enjoy having an actual reason to indulge my sweet teeth.

And then there are the sales.

Scrounging through discount bins full of limited edition holiday candy is one of my favourite pastimes.

I wandered in to a Sobey's near my work a few days ago and was rewarded with a heavily-discounted package of Hershey's Kisses, filled with cherry cordial flavoured creme*.

Other than a splash of lime cordial in my club soda now and then (vodka optional) I associate cordial with Anne of Green Gables. I remember very clearly the way my 9-year old self thought raspberry cordial might taste - syrupy sweet and potently fruity. I think I was expecting the filling to taste similar to that imagined cordial, but perhaps more cherry-like.

Unsurprisingly, it didn't.

What was more surprising was the fact that it barely tasted like cherry anything. Far from a chocolate-covered cherry (they are filled with cherry cordial and I assume that this is what Hershey's was aiming for) it was mostly just very sweet and vaguely coconutty.

Definitely not something you could confuse with currant wine.

7.1/10

HR

*I've said it before, but I have an irrational hatred of the word "creme". I have even gone so far as to change my foster cat's name from "Creme Brulee" to "Steve". He hasn't noticed yet.

Rock and Roles

What: Marinela Choco Roles
When: Early April, 2008
Where: Somewhere on the 401
Cost: Unknown (I forget)

All I can really remember about the purchase of these cakes is that I bought them somewhere in the Southern States. This memory is backed up by the spelling of "Roles". It seems like Spanish, although without Basia (our go-to linguist) around I'm just guessing.

Instead of a more common chocolate or cherry filling, these rolls were pineapple flavoured. This intrigued me. I lost them in the van for a month or so but rediscovered them a few weeks ago. Fortunately, they hadn't quite expired.

Described as "Cream and Pineapple Puree Filled Swiss Rolls", the cakes depicted on the package appear to be bursting with whipped cream and pineapple preserves.

The actual cake bore little resemblance to the cheery confection promised. What little pineapple there was seemed more like runny pineapple-flavoured jello, and the cream was spare and grainy. The cake was dry and coated with brown wax masquerading as chocolate.

If I squeezed the roll in just the right place I could get the pineapple filling to burble out in amusing, snot-like bubbles. Fun, but a definite appetite-killer.

3.6/10

HR

Whither Texas

What: Mrs. Freshley's Red Velvet Creme Cakes
When: Late-February, 2008
Where: Near Philadelphia
Cost: $0.99

These snack cakes looked like moist, lightly squished Twinkies, dyed a deep red. Well actually, the first thing I thought of when I looked at these cakes was that they looked like two perfect, vacuum-sealed bloody stool samples.

I'm sorry.

Red velvet cake is a type of chocolate cake. If I remember correctly, the red colour used to be a natural by-product of the cocoa reacting with other ingredients. Buttermilk, probably. The cocoa that we use nowadays is different, thus requiring large amounts of food colouring to turn boring old brown chocolate cake into the vivid red seen here.

Surprisingly, Mrs. Freshley seems to have done away with the cocoa altogether. These impostor cakes tasted exactly like Twinkies, with a VERY strong aftertaste of food-colouring. And creme filling, of course.


What: Hostess Banana Twinkies
When: Late-February, 2008
Where: Near Nashville
Cost: $0.99

These looked and tasted like regular Twinkies with the creme filling replaced with banana-flavoured children's antibiotics.

Pretty gross.

This is the last of my backlogged reviews. I have decided to take it easy on the creme filled cakes. Mostly because I hate the word "creme" so much.

Next Up: Dinty Moore Scalloped Potatoes and Ham

HR

Ever wonder what the Hulk's balls taste like?

Wonder no longer.

What: Hostess Lucky Puffs
When: Feb. 29, 2008
Where: NYC
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Allison)

I have always avoided the Sno-ball rack of the Twinkie aisle. In truth, I never would have tried these green, St. Patty's-themed puffs if they had not been purchased for me. I can't imagine why anyone would willingly choose a Sno-ball over pretty much anything else that a gas station has to offer.

They are four layers of neon grossness.













Layer #1: Green Coconut.

There is just enough coconut to turn a coconut-hater off, but not enough to make the puff coconut-flavoured. So what is the point? Maybe it is there to give the food colouring something to adhere to.

Layer #2: Marshmallow.

Typical low-quality marshmallow. It was really dry and spongy, and made it hard to swallow. After the first two bites I peeled it off. Mike almost ate it, but was stopped by the pork gelatin listed in the ingredients. He still doesn't realize how lucky he was.

Layer #3: Chocolate Cake.

Are all Sno-balls chocolate flavoured? I had always assumed that they were white. This one was very dry, chocolatey cake. Not really great, but I did finish it once I had removed the marshmallow.

Layer #4: Creme Filling.

Your standard Hostess creme. I wanted there to be a LOT more of it. This shows how bad and dry the puff was, considering that the creme usually tastes vaguely like chemicals and should not be eaten in large amounts.














My advice to those reading at home: Don't eat these.

My advice to the Leprechaun on the package: If sitting on your pot of gold turns your "puffs" green, it's probably not real gold.

Next up: Big Cherry.

HR