I Cannot Tell a Lie

What: Raspberry Jelly Graham Cookies
Where: Manhattan, NY
Cost: $2.99/lb.

There was only one thing I really wanted to see in New York this time around. I first heard of Economy Candy through David Lebovitz and I was determined to check it out sometime during our three days in the city.

After we soundchecked at the Mercury Lounge on Thursday we had a few hours to kill, so I thought I would see if I had time to get to the store and back. I couldn't believe it when I realized that it was actually right around the corner from the venue.

I purchased many things.

These cookies jumped out at me as I was checking out and I'm glad I followed my gut.

They traveled around in the van with us for a few days and I was worried they would get too melty so I brought them into the dressing room at DC9 last night. A couple of the Acorns and Gabe tucked in and seemed to really enjoy them. After I bit into one myself I could see why.

The cookie was a layer of semi-firm raspberry jelly on top of a graham cracker, covered in chocolate. It was a perfect mix of crunchy, sweet and fruity. They also made my bag smell delicious.

If you're ever in Manhattan and you are jonesing for some wax lips you should check out Economy Candy. It's small but packed to the roof, and it carries a lot of the classics along with more novel or hard to find candies.

8.5/10

HR

Nästa Avfart

What: Pigall
Where: Malmö, Sweden
Cost: 12.00 SEK

I purchased this chocolate bar because I thought the name was funny and I could not figure out what flavour it was. The package showed the insides as a light pink with what looked like nuts or something. Perhaps it would be strawberry-macadamia nut? I really had no clue.

When I finally tried it I was so glad I followed my impulse at the cash register. It was hands down the best chocolate bar I've had all tour (and I've had plenty.)

There were actually two small chocolate bars inside the package, each filled with a buttery cocoa paste. What appeared to be nuts on the package were actually almost invisible rice crisps.

Yesterday we didn't play a show which means lots of driving and no free food. I bought another Pigall bar to augment my meagre "day off" meal of cheese (cut with a fork) on pitabrød that I found in the van.

Rock and roll.

9.8/10

HR

Super Troopers

What: Lakrits
Where: Jönköping, Sweden
Cost: 12.00 SEK

I bought this chocolate bar in a gas station in Jönköping but I was hesitant to try it. I don't really like black liquorice and this was a chocolate bar full of it. But, as always, boredom got the best of me during the long drive to Oslo today so I pulled it out of my purse, determined to have a nibble.

The chocolate bar was visibly studded with small, irregular chunks of very dark black liquorice. Kind of cool looking.

It wasn't as bad as I feared. The chocolate tempered the strong taste of the liquorice quite well and the textures were not too dissimilar. The weirdest part was how salty it was. I had forgotten that a lot of liquorice in some European countries is salty, but now that I've tried it I can see why it's so popular. For a non-liquorice lover it was a pleasant surprise.

Of course chocolate makes everything better. And this bar was "chok-o-licious".

6.8/10

HR

Baby Sheeps

Four days ago I didn't know I was going to Europe, yet here I am. It has been a whirlwind past few days.

We arrived in Paris around 11am Monday morning. We hadn't really slept on the plane and were due on a train to London a few hours later, but we decided to make the most of our brief time in the city.

A croque-madame, a crème brûlée and a coffee, then a nap on the grass in Place des Vosges. We worked out some new ukulele-autoharp arrangements surrounded by the best-dressed teenagers I have ever seen, then witnessed an impromptu recital performed on a leaf.

Did you know that a single leaf - pulled out of a drink and blown upon - can sound like a lithograph recording of a trumpet?

Then - a short train ride under the sea, a brief, hug-filled reunion with fave European tour manager DT and some lovely, stripped-down shows in London and Manchester.

At some point before our show in London I wandered outside for food. I must have peeked into a dozen restaurants, yet somehow I arrived back at the venue with just three chocolate bars and a Fanta.

They were delicious.

The only way this trip could have been better so far is if more band members were here and I didn't feel like I forgot my brain in Toronto (although I can feel it slowly growing back now).

I will be keeping my eye out for unusual foods (of course) so check back soon.

England, Ireland, Germany, Sweden, Norway, Poland, yeoooow!

HR

I like my Coffee Crisp crisp.

What: Coffee Crisp Chocolate Milk
Where: 7-Eleven, Toronto
Cost: Unknown (was in my fridge for a while)

Continuing my series of why-chew-when-you-can-drink drinks we have Coffee Crisp in liquid form. I was surprised at the number of chocolate bars they have made drinkable these days. Rolo, Caramilk, and Crispy Crunch (apparently the "crispy" and "crunchy" factors are not an integral part of that chocolate bar) were also available for purchase in the chocolate milk section.

Coffee Crisps are one of my favourite chocolate bars so I was excited to try this drink - even though I cannot really drink milk.

It was basically frothy chocolate milk, like those Milkshake juice boxes that were popular when I was in Elementary school. My mum wouldn't buy them but I never minded much because they always tasted a little weird to me*.

This drink is to milk what processed cheese is to cheddar. The main ingredient is milk and they tell you to "shake it!" before you "drink it!" but it is still not a milkshake. It did taste vaguely of Coffee Crisp, but the real chocolate bar that I bought to compare it with was much more enjoyable.

My roommate, Sebastian, finished off the glass for me. That dude loves chocolate milk.

5.8/10

HR

*I was a child who ate lumps of sugar straight from the jar and could happily subsist on fruit rollups alone, so that probably means something.

[Update] If you are not Canadian you should watch this...

A Very Special Blog Post

What: Conguitos
Where: Spain
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Basia)

The last time Basia and the gang were in Europe they brought me back a bag full of Polish caramels and other funny continental confections. It was like Christmas. Every thing I pulled out of the bag was more interesting than the last. Some looked delicious, others made my nose wrinkle. All were beautiful.

Then - a tradgedy.

Somehow the entire bag of candies got lost in the bustle of the backstage area and got left behind when we played at Metropolis in Montreal.

When I bemoaned this horrible discovery, Basia's mom (a deeply caring and infinitely practical woman) told me to stop worrying because there was a Polish deli that she can take me to in Etobicoke to get all that kind of stuff. It might not be quite the same but I will still be taking her up on her offer soon.

This bag of Conguitos was forgotten in Allison's suitcase and thus survived.

I'm not quite sure what to say about Conguitos. I don't speak Spanish, but the name looks like it's a diminutive for someone from the Congo*. Coupled with the picture on it I can't imagine what would happen if these were ever introduced to American markets.

And the company seems to really like the character they have chosen to brand themselves with. It appears that they have modified it a bit recently, but the fact remains that they have an old black stereotype printed on every single peanut.

The peanuts themselves were very good. They were nicely toasted and covered in chocolate.

I really enjoyed eating them, but the packaging is impossible to ignore. Unless they completely revamp their marketing for this product I would not buy these peanuts if I saw them in a store.

1.5/10

HR

*Am I right?

Bisous

What: Hershey's Kisses with Cherry Cordial Flavoured Creme
Where: Toronto
Cost: $1.49

I love holidays that are celebrated with candy. It isn't necessary, but sometimes I enjoy having an actual reason to indulge my sweet teeth.

And then there are the sales.

Scrounging through discount bins full of limited edition holiday candy is one of my favourite pastimes.

I wandered in to a Sobey's near my work a few days ago and was rewarded with a heavily-discounted package of Hershey's Kisses, filled with cherry cordial flavoured creme*.

Other than a splash of lime cordial in my club soda now and then (vodka optional) I associate cordial with Anne of Green Gables. I remember very clearly the way my 9-year old self thought raspberry cordial might taste - syrupy sweet and potently fruity. I think I was expecting the filling to taste similar to that imagined cordial, but perhaps more cherry-like.

Unsurprisingly, it didn't.

What was more surprising was the fact that it barely tasted like cherry anything. Far from a chocolate-covered cherry (they are filled with cherry cordial and I assume that this is what Hershey's was aiming for) it was mostly just very sweet and vaguely coconutty.

Definitely not something you could confuse with currant wine.

7.1/10

HR

*I've said it before, but I have an irrational hatred of the word "creme". I have even gone so far as to change my foster cat's name from "Creme Brulee" to "Steve". He hasn't noticed yet.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

What: Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bears
Where: Peterborough, ON
Cost: ~$3

I was fortunate enough to play a few shows with the lovely Basia this week. We arrived in Peterborough a few hours early on Wednesday, so I wandered around a bit to see what the city had to offer.

To my surprise and delight, there was a large candy store just around the corner from the venue.

Amongst the (too) expensive imported British chocolate and limited edition Star Trek Pez dispensers I hit the jackpot with these gummy bears.

Although I have never tried chocolate-covered gummy bears before, I was fairly certain I would like them.

I love gummy bears. Haribo Gold-Bears are my favourites, but I have never eaten a bear-shaped candy that I didn't like. Also, I have been saving up money over the last few months to buy a five-pound gummy bear.

I am not joking.

In case of emergency candy/chocolate cravings I always seem to have secreted* a Big Turk within arm's reach somewhere. These bears were basically adorable, bite-sized versions of that chocolate bar.

The reaction backstage was mixed (and may have involved much singing of the Gummi Bears theme song), but I loved them.

9.7/10

I'm curious to see what sugary secrets Hamilton might hold tomorrow. Sadly, we will be without our friends and recent touring pals, the Luyas, but check out their blog to see the non-candy related fun that goes on offstage.

HR

*by "secreted" I mean "hidden", not "synthesized and discharged from specialized glands". But one can always hope...

Honey, Let Me Be Your Salty Log

What: Pearson's Salted Nut Roll (King Sized)
When: May 8, 2008
Where: Milwaukee, WI
Cost: Unknown

I know that I should be approaching everything I plan to review with an open mind, but sometimes the name, picture or very idea of some foods make them sound so gross that they will languish for weeks under my bench in the van. Unopened and often smushed, these unlucky items are what I turn to when I am hungry, bored and too lazy to go out wandering amongst the local riff raff in search of a more palatable meal.

It doesn't help that local food offerings are often dauntingly hard to find or ridiculously portioned. It was a good burrito, but three straight meals of burrito are too many.

Milwaukee was fun, but I found myself hanging out in the dressing room by myself (for once) with nothing to do. So I dug around in my purse and found this huge Salted Nut Roll.

It was made of nougat and covered in peanuts, with a thin layer of caramel in between to bind them together. After eating a few bites I realized that I was actually really enjoying it.

Thanks to Dave for buying this, and Staci for recommending it and giving me the courage to try it.

7.9/10

HR

Rock and Roles

What: Marinela Choco Roles
When: Early April, 2008
Where: Somewhere on the 401
Cost: Unknown (I forget)

All I can really remember about the purchase of these cakes is that I bought them somewhere in the Southern States. This memory is backed up by the spelling of "Roles". It seems like Spanish, although without Basia (our go-to linguist) around I'm just guessing.

Instead of a more common chocolate or cherry filling, these rolls were pineapple flavoured. This intrigued me. I lost them in the van for a month or so but rediscovered them a few weeks ago. Fortunately, they hadn't quite expired.

Described as "Cream and Pineapple Puree Filled Swiss Rolls", the cakes depicted on the package appear to be bursting with whipped cream and pineapple preserves.

The actual cake bore little resemblance to the cheery confection promised. What little pineapple there was seemed more like runny pineapple-flavoured jello, and the cream was spare and grainy. The cake was dry and coated with brown wax masquerading as chocolate.

If I squeezed the roll in just the right place I could get the pineapple filling to burble out in amusing, snot-like bubbles. Fun, but a definite appetite-killer.

3.6/10

HR

French Fries and Foxy Friends

While eating breakfast fries out of a greasy paper bag I received a counter offer from my friend, Howard, to stop eating only french fries and instead not eat any fried potatoes for a month. This seemed infinitely less detrimental to my health so I immediately lamed out on the previous bet and got right to eating some equally bad gas station foods.

What: Le Bizz BBQ
When: Apr. 14, 2008
Where: Quebec City
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Laura)

I really wish that I spoke better French, because I would love to know what exactly was in this package. They appeared to be BBQ-flavoured cheese curds. A good friend of mine happens to be living in Quebec City this semester and came to the show with this "gift" for me. Thanks lady.

I have only ever had cheese curds on poutine, so I didn't know how they taste when not all melty and covered in gravy. Dave had some plain curds on his salad (most of the food we ate in Quebec had cheese curds on it) so he gave me one to compare the BBQ-flavoured ones to. I didn't like either, and the only real taste difference that I noticed was that the BBQ ones were much, much saltier.

The opened package looked like someone threw up cheese curds into a plastic pouch. It sort of resembled BBQ chicken to me, making me want to keep trying them even though I really didn't like the taste. Dave and Nick (who will always have my deepest respect for unashamedly purchasing a big bag of beef jerky and a 2-litre bottle of chocolate milk the first time I stopped at a gas station with him) seemed to really like them, and polished off the entire bag. I happily let them.

2.1/10

[Update: Dave gives the curds a 5.8/10. I still stand by my original rating.]



What: Juicy Drop Pop (Citrus Shock)
When: Apr. 13, 2008
Where: Near Montreal
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Dave)

The last thing I want in the morning is a syringe full of sour orange syrup, but I'm incapable of turning down something that has been lovingly picked out and paid for by someone else.

We figured out that you're meant to pull the ring at the bottom, exposing the sucker hidden there. Then you squirt the orange liquid into the little depression on the side to add a burst of sour flavour to the otherwise lackluster lollipop.

It was like licking liquid Tang powder off of a slightly sweet plastic spoon. The two flavours didn't complement each other, and there were too many steps and not enough rewards to keep my attention.

I eventually resorted to squirting the syrup directly into my mouth until I started feeling sick.

3.4/10



What: Cadbury Popping Mini Eggs
When: Apr. 14, 2008
Where: Montreal
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Mike)

I have a feeling that most people tried these over Easter, but I never got the chance so I was happy when Mike picked me up a package somewhere on the way home. I was even happier when he proclaimed that "you suck them slowly and then there's a surprise explosion in your mouth at the end."

I'll miss you Dude.

6.5/10

HR

I Am the Walrus

What: GooGoo Peanut Butter
When: Mar. 28, 2008
Where: Eaten near Kingston, purchased en route to Chicago
Cost: $0.85

Chicago is the home of Fun, Inc., the World's most famous purveyor of fake vomit. Each rubbery puddle of latex barf is lovingly hand ladled to make the quality products found in gag shops everywhere. It seems fitting then that I acquired this Peanut Butter GooGoo Cluster while driving to Chicago a few weeks ago. I'm not sure whether it reminds me of fake vomit or something a little more crude, but I decided to try it anyway last week.

And I loved it! It was a pretty basic confection, similar to a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup but with whole peanuts squeezed in beneath the chocolate. The filling was smooth and very tasty. I'm surprised that they aren't more readily available.

I will be keeping my eyes open for another GooGoo Cluster when we venture back into the States in a couple of weeks, despite the unappetizing name and appearance.

9.1/10

HR

Now With More Bull Bile

What: Snickers Charged
When: Mar. 26, 2008
Where: Peterborough, ON
Cost: $0.99

Does chocolate-covered caramel and nougat really need added caffeine, taurine and B-vitamins? Snickers seems to think so. I picked up this special edition chocolate bar in the States, where the caffeine laws are not as strict as they are in Canada.

Circumstances prevented me from getting coffee this morning, so I decided to try the chocolate bar instead.

I split it with our Soundy, Chris. I can't actually remember the last time I tried a Snickers bar, but he assured me that it tasted exactly like a normal Snickers should (despite being slightly deformed from traveling through extreme weather conditions with us).

The caffeine did indeed prevent me from falling asleep during the relatively brief drive to Peterborough, although a large coffee would have been warmer and thus more satisfying.

7.1/10

HR

Drove to Chicago

What: Hostess Pudding Pie (Chocolate)
When: Mar. 16, 2008
Where: Somewhere between Arkansas and Illinois.
Cost: $0.99

While driving I found myself feeling a bit peckish. Bobby passed up this Pudding Pie that I had secreted in the basket of oddities that I keep in the back of the van. This is where the weird food that I buy awaits eating, nestled among packets of lemon juice and honey, cutlery and a couple books of Madlibs.

If you want to learn more about someone's psyche than you probably should, try playing Madlibs with them. It's enlightening.

Basia excitedly photographed me as I unwrapped the package and took my first bite. Mike thought it looked like a Pillsbury Pizza Pocket, and it did. Except it was full of chocolate pudding.

The whole thing was surprisingly heavy, making me glad that I didn't check the calorie count on the back. I really enjoyed the first few bites. The pie crust was more dense than ideal, but it was crisp and had a tasteful, light glaze. I like chocolate pudding, and found myself thinking that this was probably the best method of pudding delivery currently available.

Unfortunately (why is there always an "unfortunately"?), as I ate towards the centre of the pie the pudding-to-crust ratio increased and I became aware of an oddly tangy flavour that should not accompany a good chocolate pudding. It eventually became too much to ignore, and I was forced to throw out the half-eaten pie.

The proof of the pudding pie is in the eating, and it seems that Hostess has let me down again. A smart person might just accept that it is impossible for baked goods to be fresh and tasty yet well-preserved enough to stock a bomb shelter, and would therefore stop purchasing them.

I won't be stopping anytime soon.

5.8/10

HR

I Miss Vegetables

What: Funyuns Brand Onion Flavored Rings
When: Mar. 13, 2008
Where: Somewhere in Texas
Cost: $1.29

Funyuns are not uncommon. I see them every time I look for chips, but neither I nor any of my friends have ever tried one.

They look and taste exactly like crispy onion rings, without the real onion centre. I enjoyed the crunchiness, and liked that the onion flavour was not overpoweringly strong.

7.1/10

What: Dale Jr’s Big Mo’ (Peanut Butter)
When: Mar. 15, 2008
Where: Austin, TX
Cost: $1.29

I suspect that the same people who buy Funyuns are the target market for this Dale Earnhardt Jr.-endorsed chocolate bar. It was also only available in king-size.

I think that chocolate tastes better the warmer it is (which is why I don’t really like chocolate chips in my ice cream). The Texas sun warmed this chocolate up perfectly, so it was soft but not melty. The filling was smooth and delicious, making me glad that I had chosen peanut butter instead of caramel. I would definitely buy this chocolate bar again.

You know, I wonder what Dale Jr. does to pass the time in the car. Sleep (a.k.a. Nature’s Timewaster) is number one for Allison and me. When I’m driving I play a game I like to call “Counting Stuff”. Recent counts have included dead skunks in Oklahoma (7), anti-pornography billboards in Texas (5) and deer in Arkansas (36!). Alas, my cute trucker count remains at zero.

8.3/10

What: Atkinson’s Chick-O-Stick
When: Mar. 15, 2008
Where: Forest City, Arkansas
Cost: $0.25

This was recommended to me by someone who knows that I like trying weird food from service stations. He also told me that I probably wouldn’t like it, and he was right. It was a rod made of something similar to the inside of a Butterfinger, with coconut added. Not my favourite. I do like suggestions though, so please keep them coming.

3.2/10

I was sad to leave Austin this afternoon. We played some fun shows, ate a lot of BBQ and made new friends. It was also great to meet up with friends from other touring bands, since we are so rarely in the same city at the same time.

Also, please check out Who Killed the Mix Tape?. We met Justin and Ben in Boston, where they interviewed Basia and encouraged me to start this blog.

Next Up: Hostess Pudding Pie

HR

Update: I have added random (a.k.a. Pitchfork-style) numbers to the reviews. This will continue in all posts from now on.

Got Our Kicks

What: Dinty Moore Scalloped Potatoes and Ham
When: Mar. 13, 2008
Where: Purchased in Michigan, eaten in Austin, TX
Cost: $1.89

When Mike pointed this tub out to me I knew immediately that I had to buy it. It took me a few days to finally work up the courage to try it.

Believe it or not, I was anticipating this moment all day. 15-hours is a long time to be in a van without something to look forward to.

I don't really like scalloped potatoes, nor do I eat a lot of ham. When I took the small plastic tub out of the microwave an oily film had developed on the surface of the sauce. After I mixed it up it looked a little bit more like food, although it was still worryingly grey.

Honestly, these potatoes weren't as bad as they looked. They just tasted like reconstituted potatoes in a generic gravy-like sauce, with chunks of really salty ham. I actually ate about half the tub without realizing it.

An excellent choice? I'll have to take their word for it, since I cannot foresee myself ever trying another brand of Scalloped Potatoes and Ham.







What: Sifers Valomilk
When: Mar. 13, 2008
Where: Austin, TX
Cost: $0.89

These were the most interesting things I saw all day. I bought them in a gas station that we stopped at as soon as we crossed into Texas. Old-timey packaging and weird slogans ("The Original 'Flowing Center' Candy Cups") get me every time.

These cups had the weirdest filling. It was solid and liquid at the same time. It didn't really matter that it had a horrible, sort of milky flavour. I had quite a bit of fun just watching it ooze out into a little white puddle.

If I were a science teacher I would buy these to give out at Halloween. Otherwise I think I would stay clear of them.



What: de la Rosa Dulce de Cacahuate/Peanuts Confection
When: Mar. 13, 2008
Where: Austin, TX
Cost: $0.65

Allison and Basia have both repeatedly pointed out to me that the food I review doesn't necessarily have to be bad. I seem to be drawn to the gross stuff, but after the last two tests I had to agree with them. I was desperate for something tasty.

Fortunately this Mexican confection fit the bill. It was a very crumbly puck that tasted like it was made purely of icing sugar and powdered peanut butter (if such a thing exists). Very enjoyable for someone with a sweet tooth as well-developed as mine.

Thank god.

Next Up: Atkinson's Chick-O-Stick

HR

I Ate Yr. Cherry Bomb

What: Christopher's Big Cherry
When: Late-February, 2008
Where: Purchased in Idaho
Cost: $0.99

The Idahoian equivalent of the yellow-boxed chocolate-covered cherries I occasionally see (but have never tried) in corner stores at home. They have always been the example I use when talking about candies that look so unappetizing that I can't understand why a store would stock them at all. I waited about a week after buying this Big Cherry before I tried it.

Immediately after I cautiously bit into it, someone called it a "bloody-jizz-filled turd". While not entirely accurate (the pink filling was solid, not runny), this caused me to giggle uncontrollably, unable to finish the bite I was chewing. I didn't try to take another one.

Other than being sickly-sweet, the Big Cherry was actually fairly inoffensive. The outside layer was not solid chocolate. Rather, it was a hefty, malleable mixture of chocolate, crushed nuts and coconut.

The filling was shockingly pink and tasted faintly like cherries. It had the texture of a year-old Cadbury Creme Egg.

All this was centered around a cherry, of course.

The whole thing reminded me of a cherry-flavoured nanaimo bar wrapped around a candied cherry. Not bad, but not something I would buy again.

We're heading back down into the States tomorrow, on our way to Austin, TX. I will be dutifully keeping my eyes open and my stomach full while I'm gone.

Next Up: Mrs. Freshley's Red Velvet Creme Cakes

HR

Ever wonder what the Hulk's balls taste like?

Wonder no longer.

What: Hostess Lucky Puffs
When: Feb. 29, 2008
Where: NYC
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Allison)

I have always avoided the Sno-ball rack of the Twinkie aisle. In truth, I never would have tried these green, St. Patty's-themed puffs if they had not been purchased for me. I can't imagine why anyone would willingly choose a Sno-ball over pretty much anything else that a gas station has to offer.

They are four layers of neon grossness.













Layer #1: Green Coconut.

There is just enough coconut to turn a coconut-hater off, but not enough to make the puff coconut-flavoured. So what is the point? Maybe it is there to give the food colouring something to adhere to.

Layer #2: Marshmallow.

Typical low-quality marshmallow. It was really dry and spongy, and made it hard to swallow. After the first two bites I peeled it off. Mike almost ate it, but was stopped by the pork gelatin listed in the ingredients. He still doesn't realize how lucky he was.

Layer #3: Chocolate Cake.

Are all Sno-balls chocolate flavoured? I had always assumed that they were white. This one was very dry, chocolatey cake. Not really great, but I did finish it once I had removed the marshmallow.

Layer #4: Creme Filling.

Your standard Hostess creme. I wanted there to be a LOT more of it. This shows how bad and dry the puff was, considering that the creme usually tastes vaguely like chemicals and should not be eaten in large amounts.














My advice to those reading at home: Don't eat these.

My advice to the Leprechaun on the package: If sitting on your pot of gold turns your "puffs" green, it's probably not real gold.

Next up: Big Cherry.

HR