And It Tastes Great on a Cracker

What: Ooze Toobz (Strawberry)
Where: Toronto
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Eric and Katie)

I went over to my friends' house for nachos a few days ago only to find this tube of goo placed in front of me.

Immediately everyone around the table started speculating about the type of person who would buy a toothpaste tube full of neon pink syrup. Why does this product exist? Do you eat it with your fingers? Are all of our children going to have diabetes?

"You're going to eat that whole tube." One of my friends said to me.

"Haha" I replied. "Gross."

And then I kind of did.

It was hard not to. It was basically just really runny, extra-sweet strawberry jelly. You put a little bit on your finger to taste it, then a little bit more, then all of a sudden you look down and half the tube is gone and there are sticky pink spots all over your lap and the floor around you.

Picture Gushers lovingly harvested by Oompa Loompas and hand-squeezed into this tube. I like to imagine it this way so I can pretend it is a gourmet product and not just a tooth-rotting amount of high fructose corn syrup and dye.

The tube was passed around and everyone agreed it was ok, although no one would ever buy it for any other reason than to watch me eat it.

I tried it on some leftover tortilla chips and it was good. But not better than cheese.

6.2/10

HR

I like my Coffee Crisp crisp.

What: Coffee Crisp Chocolate Milk
Where: 7-Eleven, Toronto
Cost: Unknown (was in my fridge for a while)

Continuing my series of why-chew-when-you-can-drink drinks we have Coffee Crisp in liquid form. I was surprised at the number of chocolate bars they have made drinkable these days. Rolo, Caramilk, and Crispy Crunch (apparently the "crispy" and "crunchy" factors are not an integral part of that chocolate bar) were also available for purchase in the chocolate milk section.

Coffee Crisps are one of my favourite chocolate bars so I was excited to try this drink - even though I cannot really drink milk.

It was basically frothy chocolate milk, like those Milkshake juice boxes that were popular when I was in Elementary school. My mum wouldn't buy them but I never minded much because they always tasted a little weird to me*.

This drink is to milk what processed cheese is to cheddar. The main ingredient is milk and they tell you to "shake it!" before you "drink it!" but it is still not a milkshake. It did taste vaguely of Coffee Crisp, but the real chocolate bar that I bought to compare it with was much more enjoyable.

My roommate, Sebastian, finished off the glass for me. That dude loves chocolate milk.

5.8/10

HR

*I was a child who ate lumps of sugar straight from the jar and could happily subsist on fruit rollups alone, so that probably means something.

[Update] If you are not Canadian you should watch this...

A Very Special Blog Post

What: Conguitos
Where: Spain
Cost: Unknown (purchased by Basia)

The last time Basia and the gang were in Europe they brought me back a bag full of Polish caramels and other funny continental confections. It was like Christmas. Every thing I pulled out of the bag was more interesting than the last. Some looked delicious, others made my nose wrinkle. All were beautiful.

Then - a tradgedy.

Somehow the entire bag of candies got lost in the bustle of the backstage area and got left behind when we played at Metropolis in Montreal.

When I bemoaned this horrible discovery, Basia's mom (a deeply caring and infinitely practical woman) told me to stop worrying because there was a Polish deli that she can take me to in Etobicoke to get all that kind of stuff. It might not be quite the same but I will still be taking her up on her offer soon.

This bag of Conguitos was forgotten in Allison's suitcase and thus survived.

I'm not quite sure what to say about Conguitos. I don't speak Spanish, but the name looks like it's a diminutive for someone from the Congo*. Coupled with the picture on it I can't imagine what would happen if these were ever introduced to American markets.

And the company seems to really like the character they have chosen to brand themselves with. It appears that they have modified it a bit recently, but the fact remains that they have an old black stereotype printed on every single peanut.

The peanuts themselves were very good. They were nicely toasted and covered in chocolate.

I really enjoyed eating them, but the packaging is impossible to ignore. Unless they completely revamp their marketing for this product I would not buy these peanuts if I saw them in a store.

1.5/10

HR

*Am I right?

Candies from Colorado

What: Jolly Ranchers Pop (Watermelon)
Where: 7-Eleven, Toronto
Cost: Don't remember

I was cleaning out my refrigerator yesterday and I found this bottle of Jolly Rancher pop. It's been kicking around for a while now, but the guilt I feel for taking up valuable space finally overwhelmed me so I cracked the bottle open and took a sip.

I was alone, but I immediately said out loud "Oh, freaky."

It shouldn't be surprising that the company that makes Jolly Ranchers knows how to make things taste like Jolly Ranchers... but still, it was eerie how closely the pop matched the candies. I actually happened to have a package of watermelon Jolly Rancher candies in a drawer in my room, so I did a thorough taste test to confirm this.

Other than that it's pretty much how you would expect it to taste - very sweet and carbonated. Not very refreshing (translation: slightly better than cream soda, decidedly worse than water).

Later, while eating a Jolly Rancher I accidentally swallowed one whole. It kind of got stuck in my throat and without thinking I took a swig of the pop to help wash it down. Alone in my apartment I coughed and spluttered, and thought "I hope they write something about this on my tombstone."

Fortunately that will not be necessary.

It's not as satisfying or purse-friendly, but perhaps the safest way for me to enjoy Jolly Ranchers candy is in liquid form. I wish it came in grape.

7.5/10

HR

Ch-ch-changes

I have been fiddling around with HTML all day. If the blog looks weird please let me know in the comments and I'll send you some jelly beans.

HR

[Update] I just realized the 2 year anniversary of this blog was yesterday. Holy crap.

Ginger Pride

What: Halls Cough Drops (Canada Dry Ginger Ale flavour)
Where: Toronto
Cost: Unknown

I have been sick sick sick for the last few days. Bad times. I have to admit, however, that when I felt that first tickle in my throat a not-so-small part of me was excited, because I would finally be able to eat these Ginger Ale-flavoured Halls.

They have been floating around in my purse since I first spotted them at a newsstand inside the TTC a few months ago. I dug them out mid-way through a coughing spell and was pleased to see that other than a few scuffs on the package they were in good condition.

Never has my coughing been cured so sweetly.

These cough drops are my new favourite thing. They work just as well as regular Halls and they taste like the flat ginger ale my dad used to give me when I was sick as a child. If not for the mentholyptus I would eat these year round.

I'm going to brave the elements to go get some zucchini (my body is telling me to make chocolate zucchini loaves and I am listening) and while I'm out I will definitely be on the lookout for more of these cough drops.

9.1/10

HR

Kickin' buttz

What: Kickbutt Amped Energy Ballz (Cherry)
Where: Elmvale, ON
Cost: ~$3 (purchased by Eric)

My friend Katie invited me to her parents' house for Family day last Monday. I am blessed to have lovely friends, so it should come as no surprise that their families are just as fun to hang out with.

After a leisurely morning we walked through the town to check out the restaurant that had just burned down. I looked at antique tea cups then we gave some cream to the feral cat colony.

I love small towns.

On the way back we stopped at the local gas station and Eric bought these ballz for me. I ate them as we drove south through Barrie back to Toronto

They looked like two large, cherry gumballs, and for a fleeting second I wondered if perhaps they actually were. Maybe they would give off protein and vitamins while being chewed. Like Nicorette for body builders.

Without thinking I popped the first ball into my mouth.

It was a bad idea. The ball was like a candy-coated power bar. It didn't even taste like cherries, it was just gross. I think that the small size meant that there was not enough filling to mask the taste of the caffeine and other additives. It took me forever to finish it and the lingering taste of chemicals in my mouth made me decide not to eat the second one.

Soon I realized that I didn't know what the inside of the ball looked like, so I took another bite. It was chalky and brown, and seeing it made it even harder to swallow the second time around.

For something that claims to be a "Certified Natural Heath Product" those ballz sure were disgusting.

I had to rustle around inside the huge bags of food Katie's mom sent us home with to find something to clear the taste from my mouth. Fortunately Pat is a wonderful cook (and host) so it was not hard to find something delicious to cleanse my injured palate.

1.7/10

(10/10 for the muffin)

HR