Honey, Let Me Be Your Salty Log

What: Pearson's Salted Nut Roll (King Sized)
When: May 8, 2008
Where: Milwaukee, WI
Cost: Unknown

I know that I should be approaching everything I plan to review with an open mind, but sometimes the name, picture or very idea of some foods make them sound so gross that they will languish for weeks under my bench in the van. Unopened and often smushed, these unlucky items are what I turn to when I am hungry, bored and too lazy to go out wandering amongst the local riff raff in search of a more palatable meal.

It doesn't help that local food offerings are often dauntingly hard to find or ridiculously portioned. It was a good burrito, but three straight meals of burrito are too many.

Milwaukee was fun, but I found myself hanging out in the dressing room by myself (for once) with nothing to do. So I dug around in my purse and found this huge Salted Nut Roll.

It was made of nougat and covered in peanuts, with a thin layer of caramel in between to bind them together. After eating a few bites I realized that I was actually really enjoying it.

Thanks to Dave for buying this, and Staci for recommending it and giving me the courage to try it.

7.9/10

HR

Hotlanta

What: Stuckey’s Pecan Divinity
When: May 13, 2008
Where: Atlanta, GA
Cost: Unknown (Purchased by Justin)

I happened to be walking by the stage door last night when I overheard the security person say that he had something for Holly. Well, his Southern drawl made it sound more like “Hally” but I still couldn’t help sticking my nose in. And I’m very glad that I did, because otherwise I would not have met Justin who was dropping off a special package of food for my blog.

There was a box with a half-dozen GooGoo Peanut Clusters that I am meant to share with the band but may hoard for myself because I like them so much. He also included a little bit of local flavour with a package of slightly melty Pecan Divinity.

They are manufactured here in Atlanta. I first thought they were marshmallow, but they were actually made of vanilla-flavoured nougat topped with a pecan. Sweet and tasty, they reminded me of the inside of those weird sugary jelly bean eggs you get at Easter.

The entire experience brightened my already sunny day.

8.2/10

HR

T.G.I.F.

Yesterday was Fryday. The bet that I made to eat no fries for a month was finally over, so I decided to break my fry fast spectacularly. The stars must have been smiling on me, because I emerged from my hotel room in Cookeville, TN to find the sun shining like a beacon above a McDonald’s, a Wendy’s and a Burger King. All in the same parking lot.

Dave, Allison and I split up to the various restaurants and met back at the van loaded up with the biggest fries available. These were subsequently dumped into a spare paper bag and mixed together.

Possibly the best idea I’ve ever had.

The fries were great. First I ate a big, soft Wendy’s french fry, followed by a fistful of extra-salty McDonald’s fries. Of course I was completely unable to finish them, which drew the ire of my bandmates when they discovered the half-empty bag under my seat.

Following this breakfast of champions we went horseback riding in Georgia, stuffed ourselves full of steak and mashed potatoes and then fell asleep about 15 minutes into Batman Begins. It was an indulgent day, to say the least.

I wish that I had given the extra fries to Allison “I will eat your leftover french fries always” Wonderland, but other than that I regret nothing.

10/10

HR

A Mad and Old Faithful Telling

What: Super Start - A Complete "Hi-Potency" Vitamin and Mineral Packet
When: May 4, 2008
Where: En route to Boise, ID
Cost: Unknown (Purchased by Dave, the bastard.)

Oh, trucker pills. I giggle at them at cash registers because they are ridiculously huge and seem like a very bad idea. Does anyone need to force down 12 pills that contain (by my best estimate) 6000% of the recommended daily intake of every conceivable vitamin, mineral and any other supplement you can think of? Who are the people that buy these things?

Well, I guess Dave is one of those people.

As soon as I realised that he had bought them for me I tried to return the package, but the gas station clerk just laughed at me. So I was stuck with them.

This was at least a week ago. A lot of multivitamins give me a stomach ache and there is something unsettling about swallowing so many different pills, but I was sick of being nagged at about them so I decided to just do it during the long drive to Idaho.

One by one I swallowed the pills as Dave and Allison cheered me on. The pills were as follows:

Beta Carotene 25,000
B-Complex 100 (Sustained Release)
(2) C-Complex 2000 (Sustained Release)
Super Energy Plus
Vitamin E Complex 1000
Vitamin B-12 1000/Octacosanol 1000
Amino Acids 1000
Bee Pollen 1000
(2) Mineral Complex 1000
+ A free herbal energy booster called Ultra Herbal Start

I washed them down with Diet Coke and then immediately fell asleep.

My burps tasted like vitamins for the rest of the day and my urine looked like neon yellow Gatorade from the B-vitamins, but other than that I didn't really feel any different. The Herbal Energy Booster may have made me a little more energetic, but I was also coasting on the adrenalin that surged through my body as soon as I started swallowing a dozen weird looking pills.

I still have my fingers crossed that I will develop muscles like the ones pictured on the package, but that hope is quickly fading.

1.1/10

HR

[Update: Basia has requested that I make it clear that she did not approve of this pharmacological experiment, further ingratiating herself with my mother.]